Swagger Like Me

I've taken a look at my life and decided it's time for a change. That's right. It must be a Thursday. I really feel like I've found my true calling this time though. Forget selling cars, running electrical wire, tech support, and hooking. I'm going to pursue a thug life. That's right. Professional rapper Joshy-JBrizzle.

I've taken it upon myself to start putting my thoughts to paper first here on my blog and now to melodies and beats. This is my first song I've written and when I sing it, I spit hot fire. Like Mario.

"Dear Waitress from that Bar Tonight"

Welcome to the worst day of your life. I'll have a beer.

You haven't met me yet, and trust me it's all down hill from here.

I make it a point to piss off every girl I meet.

And I make it a point to seduce every girl I beat.

Imma punch you in the gut! Punch you in the ear!

And while you scream, I'll yell "Where the hell is my beer?!"

Imma punch you in the throat. Bring out them tears!

And when you think it's all over, Imma take it to the rear!

What's that now? You like my blue eyes?

Well just so you know, these ain't contacts, surprise!

You like my car too. It's fast and sexy, you say?

That's right you like it. And just because it's a Miata doesn't make me gay!

Imma punch you in the ribs, bring you to your knees.

And when you start to cry and plead with me "Pleeease!"

Imma punch you in the face. Twice. Three Times. No, Four!

And after I'm done, you're gonna be my whore.

I hope you enjoyed it. Obviously, it's a joke. I would never punch a girl. And driving a Miata does make me gay.