Monday, July 13, 2009

Confessions

This has been haunting me for some time, but it's about due that I come clean.


Hartley...

One day, I got drunk.

Really really drunk.

Too drunk to drive, thank god for my judgement. I stole some little kid's bike.

I rode it for miles while the alcohol swished too and frow in my belly. Before long, I was a cement truck filled with vodka and burger king, churning and churning. I thought I could make it back to my bathroom, but that wasn't the case. I pulled over to the side of the road and jumped off my training wheel equipped Huffy bike and ran into your house.

You were asleep in your bed snoring your ass off.

I crawled up to the foot of you bed, gripped the bed post, and there, in that moment, 3 feet away from you, I took a massive shit on your bedroom floor.

It was grotesque to say the least.

Rightfully so, you started to wake up from the stench. I acted swiftly and highly under the influence of 6 jager bombs taken earlier that night and struck you in the head with a nearby copy of "Moby Dick" that I let you borrow 3 months earlier.

I then made my way out the window and into the night filled with shame, but relieved from the bowel movement.

No comments:

Post a Comment