Good news everyone! (in Professor Farnsworth voice - futurama)
I've decided to get into philanthropy and started up a charity. It's called "Penny for the Pennyless".
The goal is to raise $400 by mid-April to fund sending some poor shmuck to Las Vegas for the weekend of his life. That poor shmuck is me and if you have just a hint of what life is like in Franklin, North Carolina, you'll agree I deserve this "scholarship".
If you would like to benefit the cause, please send me your money.
I need this trip! Bright light city gonna set my soul on fire!
I plan to drink hundreds of dollars worth of alcohol for free; rent an exotic car for dirt cheap; probably get a DUI at some point and end up in jail; break out of jail using a paper clip, a rubber band and a can of mountain dew; Steal 3 million dollars from some lawyer who doesn't need it; accidently kill a hooker; drive a motorcycle off the paris hotel eiffel tower with 3 strippers on the back of it; and get a tattoo that says "I (Heart) Monica"
So, look into your hearts and donate today. For just pennies a day, you can change this child's life.
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