Scientists have long known

Your head doesn't belong in your ass.

Why then do I see so many people with their head in there? I mean who isn't reading this and thinking "This is me. I should listen. Where did I leave that pry bar?" Take a minute to find whatever it is you're going to use in prying your head out of your ass then continue reading, I'll wait.

Ok now that those of you with some initiative have already taken care of possibly the most important problem in your life you can read on and laugh as I clarify who I'm speaking to.

Co-workers:

If you're a heartless bastard that traded his soul for money you need to pull your head out of your ass. I've got news for you, people are going to party because you're dead, not because we look back fondly on you. No we will party because you're a bastard and we are happy you are in hell.

If you have no self value and you won't stand up for yourself in order to be paid accordingly.
Get you head out of your ass and your shit in gear. Right now you're the ball and life is the bat, once you can see the light of day you'll be able to work towards changing your situation.

Don't presume to be the boss if you can't delegate for shit. You may be the reason we made 11 million last year but your also the reason we did not make 22 million. Wake up.

My desk is not a convention center. I don't care if you hate your job too. Don't come to my desk and make my day worse by your presence. Figure out your own way of entertaining yourself. Now piss off.

Dumb fat bitches that are old and annoying:

Loose some weight, you're not as attractive as you think you are. Especially when you are shit faced drunk. Loose the mouth. I don't care how much money you make, you're still old and ugly. I will never be as ugly or annoying as you. I know it's hard to stop acting like your the shit when that's all you see with your head up your ass. Give your head a good tug and reunite with those of us in the real world. Or die.

Those lacking:

Drive - I know you hate your 10 dollar an hour job and or unemployment. I know how you love reading books and being smart or watching TV and being dumb. Living like this is bullshit. How old are you? What happened to that degree? What happened to that promising career you pissed away? First get someone to help pry your head out of your ass because lord knows you won't be able to do it on your own then grab those boot straps of yours and pull as hard as you can. Do something, be somebody.

Cognizant grasp on reality - I know mommy and daddy sheltered the fuck out of you when you were growing up. I know you're still sucking on their tit for money, wisdom and life lessons. Pop the titty out of your mouth, open your eyes, see the shit, remove your head from your ass and culture yourself mother fucker. Life isn't cheery like you favorite bed time stories as told by mommy. There's a lot of glorious dirt and grit out there that really makes things interesting. At this very moment you don't have a CLUE. So, don't knock it until you try it and don't speak until you know what you're talking about. Either way continue being someone I am only aware of and not someone I have to put up with.

General idiots falling in other categories:

I don't think your ideas are anywhere near as cool as you do. They suck as a matter of fact. Don't try to pawn your bullshit off on me. I'm not buying.

Those living in fear - It's no excuse. You've done so for such a period of time that you're better at making excuses than I am at being patient enough to explain how stupid you are. Take risks and assume the responsibility. It's the only way we grow as people. Pull your head out of your ass, infant.

Josh - You thought moving to NC was a good idea but all you've done is stall any progress you could have possibly made in your life for two years. Way to go. You hate living in NC enough as it is so get your head out of your ass and move already. Smith Powersports isn't the holy grail of motorcycle shops.